Ebook It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, by Hilary Jacobs Hendel
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It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, by Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Ebook It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, by Hilary Jacobs Hendel
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Review
Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a highly accomplished therapist who practices a form of psychotherapy that is based on processing our core emotions. This type of psychotherapy uses a modern approach that has moved beyond more conventional psychodynamic psychotherapies. This new form of psychotherapy is known as "Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy." It stands in stark contrast to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which places predominant emphasis on the impact of thoughts on behavior. Hendel is a practitioner of an accelerated form of experiential dynamic psychotherapy, AEDP, that was developed by Diana Fosha in New York.What is unique in this book is Hendel's mission to take these psychotherapeutic tools and to present and rework them in a way that can be used by individuals on their own. This is a little bit like Penn and Teller showing us how a magic trick is really done! But she has a more important goal to bring these methods to a wide audience that may have little access to, or may not require formal psychotherapy.Hendel reveals herself to be a passionate and effective healer by relevant clear case examples that give a most enlightening portrait of this therapeutic method. Equally disarmingly she is able to translate the method in ways that individuals can use for themselves. This is achieved by the case examples and exercises that readers can practice using the Change Triangle. The Change Triangle embodies many complex psychotherapeutic ideas that Hendel has distilled into an easily understood self-help approach. This is the genius of this book, converting formal psychotherapeutic strategies into a self-help toolbox.I learned a lot from this book. It deepened my appreciation for AEDP and I enjoyed and learned from Hendel's canny grasp of this method. I also found the book therapeutic by working through some of the exercises.In particular, I found the section dealing with the inhibitory emotions of shame and guilt outstanding. Shame is very common and often very toxic inhibitory emotion and can be really difficult to deal with and overcome. Hendel's discussion and demonstration of the method are powerful and healing.This book is not only an excellent self-help resource for anyone dealing with powerful emotions such as grief, sadness, fear, anger, guilt, shame and anxiety it is of great value in educating new and experienced therapists in the application of emotion-focused experiential therapies. -Alan Eppel Professor of Psychiatry and Psychotherapy Supervisor in the Department of Psychiatry & Behavioural Neurosciences, McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario.
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About the Author
Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, received her BA in biochemistry from Wesleyan University and an MSW from Fordham University. She is a certified psychoanalyst and AEDP psychotherapist and supervisor. She has published articles in The New York Times and professional journals. Jacobs Hendel also consulted on the psychological development of characters on AMC’s Mad Men. She lives in New York City.
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Product details
Hardcover: 320 pages
Publisher: Spiegel & Grau (February 6, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0399588140
ISBN-13: 978-0399588143
Product Dimensions:
6.4 x 1 x 9.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
47 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#41,473 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
For many years I'd been seeing doctors who had diagnosed me with major depression and social anxiety. I tried the "gold standard" approach of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and the newer mindfulness-based Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), as well as medication, meditation, exercise, and countless other things everyone always recommends. They all helped somewhat, but I couldn't help feel that they never touched the heart of my emotional pain. One day, I happened to read Hilary Jacobs Hendel's op-ed in The New York Times titled "It's Not Always Depression, Sometimes It's Shame." The story of "Brian", whose parents had provided for him materially but neglected him emotionally, spoke to me, and something crucial clicked when Hendel called his experience "a form of trauma." When I saw that Hendel was publishing a new book with the same title as her article, I jumped at the chance to buy it.Trauma was a word I had always associated with experiences like warfare, car accidents, rape, or natural disaster. But reading her article sent me on a path of searching, which eventually led me to the work of Bessel van der Kolk, Pete Walker, Beverly Engel, and others who recognized that things like abuse, neglect, bullying, or other more workaday adverse experiences can result in similar symptoms as those more obvious traumas. In this book, Hendel calls these "small t traumas" (as opposed to "Big T Traumas"), and makes the point that "we are all a little traumatized." Such "small t traumas" are often easy to overlook, but can deeply wound our ability to feel what we really feel and (by extension) be who we really are. In this book, Hendel teaches you how to reconnect with your emotions and with your true self, what she calls "the openhearted state", characterized by calm, compassion, clarity, connectedness, confidence, and courage.It's taken me several months to get through the book. Hendel really wanted to get as much of the healing potential of therapy (particularly the style of therapy she practices, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) into the book as possible and make it as accessible as possible, using plain language. The result is admittedly more pragmatic than immediately inspiring. It makes for a slow read, especially if (like me) you want to contemplate the information and apply it to your life. It's not easy work, and may require working through it with a therapist. But this is vital information in a world which seems to revolve around running from our emotions, and each page is brimming with empathy and compassion for her clients and for her readers. Hendel was doing a brave and risky thing in making this information, heretofore available only to mental health professionals, widely available in a book for the general public. Diana Fosha, the founder of AEDP, expresses in the Foreword to this book a veiled apprehension about having her life's work loosed upon the world, out of her careful guardianship, though I don't think she need worry. This book is thus a gift of deep compassion, and I'm extremely grateful she put in the work and dedication to get this information out to as many people as possible. I especially appreciated the inclusion of specific techniques for working with emotions like anger, anxiety, and shame; in addition, Hendel goes into considerable depth about the nature of trauma, the factors that can contribute to our anxiety or shame, and offers moving, relatable stories from her own therapy practice.It's not a perfect book. The Change Triangle she uses is a helpful shorthand for our uneasy relationship with our emotions, but I'm not convinced that this framework (developed for clinicians) will be successful as self-help tool for a general audience, due to the level of self-awareness required. (I note that, to date, many of the positive reviews are by therapists and not laypeople.) What's more, I don't feel Hendel emphasized the potential pitfalls of trying to do this work on your own. AEDP is a deeply interpersonal form of therapy, and this comes across in both Fosha's Foreword, and Hendel's moving clinical vignettes. Especially when we're dealing with trauma, the presence of a compassionate other is vital. I previously read Tina Gilbertson's delightful Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them, which covers much the same ground as Hendel, and I find myself using her T-R-U-T-H technique more than the Change Triangle, though they accomplish essentially the same thing. But Hendel's book adds a wealth of information from neuroscience, attachment theory, emotion research, and clinical practice that will be valuable to anyone interested in going deeper.
As a psychiatrist and therapist for over 40 years I have always encouraged my patients to pay attention to how they are feeling and thinking. To deny or avoid one's true feelings and emotions leads to a multitude of problems and symptoms from states of depression to anxiety and everything in between.This practical and clearly written self-help book written by a gifted therapist helps the reader learn the incredible importance of understanding and accepting our core emotions and the variety of ways we use defenses and other emotions (anxiety, guilt, and shame) to protect us (even though they cause us pain as well).It is filled with examples from her personal life and her work with patients to help you understand the importance of discovering and accepting your emotional responses and how to use that knowledge to better navigate your life.She introduces you to The Change Triangle, a conceptual tool, a map, to understand our emotions and discover what we are doing with them that limit our awareness and growth.Without jargon or overly technical explanations, she presents the latest theories and discoveries in cognitive psychology, neuroscience and mindfulness meditation. She distills this knowledge into a multitude of useful tools and skills to better understand, acknowledge and use our emotions to enhance our lives.She describes clearly and compassionately the various ways we have of avoiding emotions with the layers of defenses, protective feelings, and automatic emotional reactions.Her approach reminds us and focuses on our innate health and teaches how to use that more effectively.The book is filled practical techniques of observation and mindful awareness skills to help one become more in touch and accepting of our core emotions. The book offers hope and direction.The author is a trained and obviously skilled therapist and writes openly about her own struggles and discoveries. She writes with openness, compassion and humor that offers the reader the opportunity to understand what she is feeling and how she thinks and how she guides her patients to help them discover their true power.This gives us a window into how our minds work and how important it is to pay attention to our bodies and our emotions whenever interacting with others (and ourselves).And most important this book offers hope for gaining understanding, acceptance and healthy ways to manage our deepest feelings.Larry Drell, MDAnxiety And Depression Therapy ServicesWashington, DC
This is the second book in this approach to therapy called Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy. The other excellent book being "Living Like You Mean It" by Ron Frederick. I may be biased for being a trainee in this approach but I didn't truly know what to expect with this book. It may not have been helpful as I am already deeply steeped in this approach and the new wave of emotion, experiential, and trauma focused approaches to psychotherapy.But I've found this book to be absolutely fantastic. There are great exercises as well as transcripts and many visuals to make sense of the triangle of experience and self-other-emotion. I am recommending this to many of my clients.I'm steeped in the comtemplative traditions and practices as well and I know of no better approach to change as to give space and attention to embodied experience, as difficult as it may be. Any other way is avoidance.
I love this book. I'm so glad I found out about it from the Shrink rap Radio podcast.Who doesn't want an accessible technique, that helps us become more aware of, understand and then better manage our emotions, toward becoming a more authentic Self?This book is not only good for me personally, but in my work as a therapist. I am now including the Change Triangle in much of my work with clients. It has opened up a new and accessible line of inquiry.I am also introducing It's Not Always Depression to my monthly Therapist Peer Support group!Thank you, Hilary for providing us a road map toward connecting with our most authentic Self.
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